5 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Spouse During a Busy Season

I should say right upfront, I am not a marriage counselor. In fact, I would be a terrible counselor in general – empathy is not really my strong suit. So, I am not in any way going to try and sell this post as a cure all for your marital strife. These 5 things are supportive actions to keep and enhance an already strong marital foundation. With that said, if your marriage is not on strong footing and you have no idea what the future may hold, then let me be the first to say I am so sorry. I know how hard that can be, but I believe in you and in your marriage. And I believe you can do this. I also do strongly believe in good counseling. I have met with a counselor off and on for years now {as has my husband}, and we are better people for it! Better both to each other and to those around us.

Okay, moving past that little disclaimer and on to what you’re here to read…

I am heading into this fall coming off of one of the craziest times of my entire life, and I have noticed over these past six months how easy, in fact, how effortless, it is to get to the end of the day and realize the most meaningful conversation I had with my spouse was which one of us was going to order pizza for dinner that night. I say “effortless” because as natural as it should be, building and maintaining a connection with our spouse is not something that happens organically. It is something that we have to be intentional about EVERY SINGLE DAY, especially in busy seasons.

5 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Spouse During a Busy Season | Houston Moms Blog

I am not sure what all you have going on in your life this fall {I am so extroverted I wish I was sitting across a table from you right now instead of a screen, so you could tell me all about what is happening in your life}, but as the month of October rolls around, it really seems like everyone starts losing their ever-loving minds. The holiday anxiety starts up along with the pressure to get the perfect pumpkin patch mini-session – which, side note, when did that become a thing? Honestly, when did pumpkin pictures become the new Christmas pictures? All the while Thanksgiving and Christmas are breathing down your neck.

So, here are 5 things that I have done, and continue to do, in order to stay connected to my spouse during busy seasons – or really any season for that matter.

  1. Schedule dates :: These are can be as elaborate or as low key as you want them to be, or as your budget allows, but what happens on the date is not really the point. The key to success is the scheduling part. I can’t tell you the amount of times Chad and I have tried to pull off a last-minute date night only to be disappointed in not being able to find a babysitter. Or we have missed out on something we would have really enjoyed doing together, all because we didn’t plan. So, get out the calendar right now…seriously, go get it now…and schedule out your date nights for the next 6 months. If you don’t, they won’t happen. Trust me.
  2. Carve out time to talk everyday :: While face to face is best, I know there are those of you out there that have opposite schedules from your spouse because of shift work or overseas work, so face to face may not always be an option for you. And that’s okay. Talk on the phone, FaceTime, Skype, text, send a carrier pigeon if you have to … just make sure that at least one time a day you and your spouse are having a conversation to recap or even inform each other of your day. This brings me to #3…
  3. Try to do at least 1 thing everyday for your spouse that you don’t want to do :: Every marriage is different, and for mine, my husband loves to talk and hear about my day {which I am truly thankful for as I know that is not the case for everyone}; however, by the time I get to the end of the day I am all talked out. The very things he wants to know about, I have probably already had no less than 5,000 conversations about that day, and frankly, I don’t want to have even one more. But here’s the thing: he deserves my best, not my leftovers. So one thing I have done recently to show him that, is texting. I text him first after something significant happens, before I tell anyone else. Now, I don’t text him about every little thing because most things that happen in my day are pretty insignificant, but on the big things, I try and stop and at least send a text telling him about it. It is a little thing, but one I know he appreciates, and it also helps guide our conversation at the end of the day. For you, it is probably something entirely different, but hopefully you get the gist. Set aside what you want, or would rather do, in order to do something that would serve your spouse.
  4. Talk through the week before it starts :: So. much. communication. Amiright? Whatever day is your last day of the week, for us it is Sunday, sit down together and talk through the week. What is happening when? Are there any days of working late or late meetings? When are the kids’ activities? Who is transporting where? Etc. That way everyone is on the same page, and hopefully, this will cut back on those surprise phone calls throughout the week that typically lead to an entirely different type conversation. One much less enjoyable.
  5. Show some sort of affection when you see each other :: There is something about physical touch that connects us with other human beings like nothing else. This is true in your marriage as well. Even in seasons in which my husband and I feel more like passing ships in the night than a unified team, I make it a point to give a hug or steal a kiss – even if in passing. This needs to be a practice with your spouse even when you don’t want to. There have been plenty of times where I have been just flat out mad at my spouse, but a simple hug has defused the situation just enough for us to be able to carry on and eventually talk about it. Listen, I’m not saying kiss on the forehead will teleport you in time as if nothing ever happened, nor should you act that way, but it can help build a bridge that will enable you to eventually address the issue at hand.

Again, these 5 things are not magic, but they are simple things that when implemented, make a pretty significant return. Embrace the chaos of this season, but don’t let it ruin your marriage; instead, be thankful you have someone to share it with … and nurture that relationship.

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