A Letter To an Adoptive Mama

adoptive mom letter-hmb

Dear Adoptive Mom,

First off, congratulations! Whether you’ve just made the decision to adopt, have a match, or are already mothering your precious one, I want to congratulate you on being a mom. You were this little one’s mom before they were in your arms, as your mothering heart was tender to your child before knowing who they would be, what they would look like, and where they would come from. All you knew was that you had the love for them and that’s all that matters.

I don’t know what brought you to the point of choosing adoption, but I am tender to the journey you’ve been on up to this point. If you are waiting, I feel your pain. There are no words that can ease the pain of waiting. All I know to do is to sit with you in that waiting and encourage you. The child that belongs in your family, once they are in your arms, will help to heal the pain you’ve felt during this season of life. And when you see them, it will all make sense as you feel a connection to them you never imagined.

Sweet mama, you are everything that your child needs. To love them, to guide them, to protect them, to cry with them, to laugh with them, to teach them, to journey with them. Everything that you are and what you have to give is what your child needs from you. You are no less of a mama because they did not come from your womb. When that lie creeps into your life, silence it.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned from being an adoptive mom is to remember that adoption is riddled with loss. That adoption isn’t the piece of the puzzle made to fit your perfect idea of your family. Adoption is a journey with your child that you are raising who has a special tie to a family before you. Whether or not they’ve met their birth family, these guys are being born into the world with loss as adoptees. Don’t be afraid to sit with them in their grief. Validate your precious one and never be afraid when their birth family gets brought up. It doesn’t make you any less of a family. It only bonds you closer as you honor, acknowledge, and respect their family that came before you. And you, sweet sister, are their mama – the one who walks with them each day. Remember that.

I’m excited for you and this journey you are on. It’s one that’s beautiful and hard and exciting and tendering and eye opening all wrapped into a ball of emotions. There is a special place in my heart for you, adoptive mama, so I wanted to take a moment to love on you, to acknowledge you, and to encourage you. You, sweet woman, are doing {and will do} an amazing job being mama. It’s already deep within you. And your babies will be so lucky to call you “mom.”

Love,
fellow adoptive mom, Hannah

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