‘Fess Up, Settle Up, Rise Up

‘Fess Up

I can’t be the only mom in a funk right now. It might be the weather. Honestly, I’m really good at blaming Mother Nature for my moodiness. Come September, I want cooler temperatures. Come October, I’m flat out demanding them. I pull out all the stops by baking pumpkin treats, throwing a few pumpkin decorations around the house, and searching through my Pinterest Fall boards for seasonal crafts. If I do these things, it will cool off, right? Right?!?

So I’m cranky. My patience is short-lived. Fall promises change, and my heart gets anxious. If we are being totally honest, I’m feeling overwhelmed. There are three of them. Three handsome, funny, sweet, chatty, active, squabbling, and yes, needy little boys. They are our greatest blessing, but this particular chapter is a challenging one. I can’t seem to get us on the same page. I can’t seem to discipline one without failing to help another who needs me…like yesterday.

Many days I don’t feel equipped. Many days I feel like I’m failing on some level. Most days I go to bed tired. Very, very tired. That big impact in the world that we all want to make, well, I currently don’t see it.

Settle Up

Are you over my pity party yet? Yes. Good, me too.  Scrolling through Instagram the other day brought this quote to me ::

I always wanted to be a hero — to sacrifice my life in a big way one time — and yet, God has required my sacrifice to be thousands of days, over many years, with one more kiss, one more story, one more meal. – Sally Clarkson

Those words. Yes, I kept saying to myself. All of this.

Our virtual society shows us exactly all we can have and be. It’s a glamorous picture. Every day we have the chance to see the best of everyone, and it makes me hungry. It forces my gaze beyond the faces inside our walls to search for more, more than what I am called to on my journey.

And yet, if I give more love, over thousands of days, over many years, gosh, imagine the impact that those three handsome, funny, sweet, chatty, active, squabbling, and yes, needy little boys can have out there in our great big world.

Rise Up

Rise Up

I hesitated in writing this post. I feel like I sound ungrateful. Having three boys is a dream come true. I prayed days, weeks, months, and years to have one baby, and then I got three. And here I am whining to anyone who will listen. Yet, in that moment of hesitation in choosing “publish” or “delete,” I thought about the mommas who might be there right now or may be there one day.

And here, Friends, is where I get stuck. It’s nice to talk the talk and feel inspired and open yourself up to change. It’s warm and fuzzy to be part of the club and know we are holding hands in solidarity in the parenting struggle. But I want answers, tangibles. Give me a plan already. And while I’m no expert, I have no credentials behind my name or reason for you to follow my lead, but for now, let’s step up and see the good and be the good.

  • Free Up — My schedule that is. This is most likely easier said than done. I’m a do-er. I want to workout, read books, paint canvases, blog, create Shutterfly books, pray deeply, play with my kids, clean the kitchen, be perfectly organized, be a fantastic wife, dress up, put on makeup, and watch The Bachelor. All in one day. I’m not kidding.  But I know I’m my best when I’m realistic about what I can accomplish. I can take time each week to make better use of my planner, use nap time effectively, and be mindful of where I delegate my energy. I often use the timer with the kids. I need to set it for myself sometimes. Accomplish something then step back. Set times for productive and times for relaxation. I like a good plan.  Giving myself time in “the plan” to relax, to create, to reflect, can help me focus when it’s time for cooking, cleaning, and being Mom.
  • Wise Up — I love reading. These days it takes me forever to finish a book, and while I’m slowly knocking out novel after novel, I need to carve time for parenting and inspirational books. There are people that are really good at this. Their stories can hold beautiful gems of advice, shared experiences, and new adventures to embark upon. I’m ready to soak it in.
  • Give Up — I’m not going to fall victim to perfectionism or expectation or comparison. {Okay, I will. I’m only human. But I won’t lie there for long!} One by one, I’m pulling off the fingers of these thieves that rob us of seeing the beauty in our chaotic lives. In their places I’m accepting the warm embrace of gratitude. And not just in theory. My notebook will sit in the middle of my “command center.” It’s rather embarrassing to admit, but the first entry is dated January 12, 2012, and I’m only on grateful item number 122. Yes, in years, I’ve only managed to record 122 things for which I am grateful. I plan on tripling that number in just a month or so. There’s power in gratitude.
  • Open Up — While my people, my tribe, mean the world to me, I find my best growth in reflection. I’ve always been a writer, and by writer I mean one who writes. No fame here, people.  I know the lines scribbled from my pen help me become a better version of myself. They release tension, give calm, and lead to guidance. I need to make more moments for the freedom and peace that writing brings.
  • Lessen Up — Give myself grace. Give them grace. For me it’s as simple as a deep breath. And maybe more eye contact and a quiet conversation. I get caught up in “parenting” sometimes and I forget to parent.

 

I’m chosen to be the one to dole out “just one more” for three handsome, funny, sweet, chatty, active, squabbling, and yes, needy little boys   Here’s to taking steps to do it just right and live joyously right beside them!  

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