Pregnancy After the NICU {Part 2}

“While I love the thought of a squishy newborn and {my daughter} being a big sister, I am worried about this baby that doesn’t exist yet.  What if things go wrong again?  Even though every test under the sun has come back negative for indicators of preeclampsia reoccurring, I’m not sure I’ll ever completely shake the fear.” – Pregnancy After the NICU {Part 1}

I wrote those words two years ago. I was still reeling from a tough pregnancy and delivery, and I couldn’t imagine the idea of ever going through it again. I couldn’t consider the idea of having another baby in the NICU, and I was fully aware of how things could have gone worse than they did for me the first time.

I’m now sitting here in the second trimester of my next pregnancy. I can feel my little boy roll around – I don’t think he ever stops moving – and I can’t help but reflect on that post and the journey that led me here. It was a long road, filled with tears, prayers, and confusion. But in the end, I can honestly say that God lead me down this path. There’s no other way I could’ve ended up where I am now.

It definitely took me longer to process this pregnancy. Shoot, I was convinced I wasn’t possibly pregnant even when a week late. So it also took me longer to work through my emotions and arrive at a place where I felt secure and calm.

This peace of mind partially comes from the amazing doctors that are caring for me. When I told my OB that I was ready for another baby, she looked through my extensive medical chart, and then she smiled and said, “That mothering instinct is strong. Let’s do this.” I was also partnered with a wonderful high risk OB who is kind but also honest. He’s made it clear that preeclampsia could reoccur, but is monitoring me closely. And at my first prenatal appointment, my OB’s Physician Assistant looked at me and confidently said, “This one’s going to term.”

That has been my motto this pregnancy.

And no, I may not ever shake the fear of preeclampsia reoccurring, but I’m choosing to focus on the good. To focus on all the times I’ve gotten to see this sweet boy on the ultrasound screen. All the times I feel him kick and roll in my stomach. All of pregnancy symptoms…even the morning sickness and exhaustion. I think I’ve appreciated this pregnancy more, and I don’t intend to stop anytime soon.

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2 Responses to Pregnancy After the NICU {Part 2}

  1. Kimmy May 15, 2016 at 7:19 am #

    Thank you for sharing your story and for sharing your experience through this second pregnancy. I had a similar birth story with my son: preeclampsia, admitted straight from ob’s office, didn’t know I wasn’t leaving until he would be born, hospital bed rest for a month, born at 34 weeks, and a nicu stay of 5 weeks. The idea of going through all of that again is so scary to me, but I enjoy reading your positive outlook on it.

    • Heather M
      Heather M May 15, 2016 at 1:27 pm #

      Hi Kimmy,
      I’m glad to hear your son is home from the NICU! It takes a long time for a momma to recover from that kind of stress- and many choose to not have any more after that. I certainly can’t blame them! My heart just felt like we weren’t done and I had to go from there.

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