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Sarah :: How I Became A Mother

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Sarah’s Story

Before I start, have you been reading this whole series on How I Became a Mother? If not, you must go back and read through them. The stories are absolutely amazing, and raw and true and real and inspiring. Mothers ready, not ready, complications, super fertility, infertility, adoption, patience, multiples, birth defects, fear, unknowing, NICU’s, open heart surgeries, joy, joy, and joy. It’s such a huge and amazing thing to be trusted with the gift of being someone’s mother, and I’m so honored to share my story along with these amazing women.

The day after my due date in August 2011, my water broke – at home, in my bathroom, in a very uneventful way. I called my husband, my mom and dad, my Giggy {Jessica}, and finally my doctor. I headed to her office to make sure the fluid was actually of the amniotic variety, which it was. I walked across the street, checked into L&D and 24hrs, Dance Moms season finale, and one lower abdominal incision later I had myself a brand spanking new baby girl. I was a mother! The end. Ha, like Kelly would let me get away with that!

sarahmaggiehospborn

If you ask my ten year old self, I became a mother in December 1982 when my brother Jonathan was born and then again in October 1986 when my brother David entered my world. There is a story that floats through my family that after a couple weeks with three small children, and what I can imagine was a hurricane going on in our house, I told my exasperated Mother, “Give him to me, you are obviously struggling.”  I was in first grade.  Other than the brief phase in junior high when Nirvana and Pearl Jam filled my privileged, middle-class life with thoughts of rebellion, angst, and the need to declare that “I was never having kids,” I think I was always basically waiting to be a mother.

I have insatiable feelings to take care of people, to fix, to advise, to fuel my servant heart, and what better stage to play this out on than motherhood? When friends began marrying off, and the first pregnancies were revealed I began to really feel it. I would tell people that my ovaries were hurting, this was a literal statement, one that I’m sure many women waiting and wanting for a baby, in any sense, can attest to. As soon as that engagement ring hit my finger, I ordered “Taking Charge of your Fertility” – you know, to just learn my body and be ready. I’d been recommending it to people for years, along with ovulation sticks, temps, and charts.  So funny that they listened to me, as I had never been in the position to actually use this advice. Wedding planning and my love of over-crafting took some pain off my ovaries, but I still had lingering desires, and they were focused on my mom. She was losing her battle was Cancer, and I knew time was moving fast. She had been talking about being a grandmother for years, and my insides yearned to grant her that wish.

johnmaggienewborn

My amazing and kind husband wasn’t hard to get on board, his only stipulation being that he had someone to drink with on our honeymoon! So, I thankfully went ahead and got myself pregnant the month after we were married. {Remember I had memorized my literature on the subject?} And the second that pregnancy test turned pink/blue/pregnant/yes+/plus/lines – I was a mother. {I’ll spare you the number of pregnancy tests I started taking well before anything would show up.} I had a wonderful pregnancy, I had a glorious 24hrs of labor that got me nowhere close to bringing a baby into this world, and a c-section that I don’t even remember healing from anymore.

At 10am on August 25, 2011, my world and THE world were changed when that 7lb12oz perfectly pink baby girl, Margaret Anne, came screaming out. Maggie delivered me into motherhood, and by 10:05am my own self worth was humbled in the awe of her existence. And it was glorious. GLORIOUS! I still can’t believe it or really think about it too much…even after two and a half years and another baby later! We spent our requisite time in the hospital and took our ceremonious pictures loading our sweet new addition into the car. I remember standing up from the wheelchair and the nurse pulling it back and walking away, as I looked at my husband like,“I can’t believe they are just going to let us take this baby home!”

coming home maggie

My Mom-Friend posse is insanely amazing. I had learned from the best, and I hit the ground running and found my groove fast. Six weeks in, I went to visit a dear friend and her new baby at the hospital, and I could feel the pull, and it might just have slipped out of my mouth that I was ready to do it all over again. Which I did when Maggie was 8 months old. And while that baby wasn’t meant for this earth, we learned, we healed, and in November we thankfully, happily welcomed a beautiful {big} baby boy, Jack, to our family. And I thankfully became a mother again! Pregnancy, babies, and being a Mom, it raises me to the highest of heights. I worry that I don’t know what will stop me {ummm…age, money?}, and how will I ever not want for more? I’m an addict. But I do know that if I never do another thing in life, it won’t matter, because I created Maggie and Jack, and I’m their mother.

jackfamilyof4

Sadly, the other part of my becoming a mother story lies in my own mother – the woman I had made a mother, the one I hoped would be selflessly holding my hand and cheering me on as she had done for the previous 30 years. She wasn’t there, and she isn’t here. During Maggie’s birth she was up the street at MD Anderson bravely staring down the end of her life and holding on as long as possible for the chance to meet and hold her first grandchild. Which she did get to, for the shortest and longest five weeks of my life. I like to stay on the sunny side and know that the thought of that beautiful baby girl on her way kept her fighting.  It helps keep my feelings and memories of these moments in my life clear and happy and not in the trenches of why why why’s and it’s not fairs.

maggieandanne

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to express to Maggie what she did for me {us}, outside of making me a mother in the late summer of 2011. That itty bitty girl brought our family up from our knees when we lost our hinge. She helped give us the strength to face our fears, to believe in living and that life keeps going on. To look forward to our new future, one that looked different. I tell her this often, in those moments when I sneak in her room late at night and leave her one more kiss on her forehead. I tell her I’ll never be able to thank her, that she’ll never know what she did for me, that she healed my broken heart. I wish every day that my mother was here and the wish is not fully for me. Like all mothers I want the absolute best for my children, and having her, here, in their lives would be just that.

Now, someone go find me a crazy pill, because I’m totally ready to do it all over again!

Please Note :: Bassett Baby Planning is graciously sponsoring our ‘How I Became a Mother Series’…and we would not have it any other way!  We are passionate about all that they are doing for new and expecting moms, and we encourage you to contact them to help in your journey to becoming a mother too.

To learn more about Bassett Baby Planning

or schedule an appointment, please contact ::

855.455.BABY or info {at} bassettbabyplanning {dot} com

6 Responses to Sarah :: How I Became A Mother

  1. Amy March 19, 2014 at 8:36 am #

    Sarah, I loved reading your beautiful story. You made me cry. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Nicole March 19, 2014 at 10:22 am #

    Beautiful, Sarah.

  3. Hydee March 19, 2014 at 12:56 pm #

    Absolutely beautiful, Sarah! Thanks for the afternoon cry… but in a sweet and beautiful way 😉

  4. Michelle Tanner March 19, 2014 at 7:34 pm #

    I totally am all for you doing it again becuase 1) you make CUTE babies and 2) you are one of THE BEST mamas I know. So I vote another baby by 2015!

  5. Jenn L
    Jenn L March 19, 2014 at 8:53 pm #

    Just beautiful.

  6. Amber March 22, 2014 at 1:34 pm #

    such a great story! Soooo glad your mother was able to hold and spend time with the baby before she passed. So incredibly sorry for your loss!!!

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