Second Parent Adoption Stories {Kris & Barbara}

Barbara and I always knew we wanted to add to our family. We also knew the importance of the second parent adoption, and that the process was necessary in order to protect our family. Not long after Sebastian was born, we made an appointment with a local LGBT family attorney to begin the process of making our family legal in an effort to protect us in the event something happened to Barbara. If something terrible were to happen to her, Sebastian would belong to the state.

I would have absolutely no rights.

Now that the second parent adoption has been granted, I have the same exact parental rights as Barbara does. It also protects us in the event Barbara and I ever decided to go separate ways.

Along with the adoption, we decided to throw in a name change so that we could officially be “the Eddlemon’s.” The expense of the adoption was a huge burden. It was several thousand dollars, and about another $400-$500 for the name change. We were told we’d have to travel to San Antonio for the adoption hearing since the judges there are more liberal and a lot more willing to grant the adoption. While we were frustrated about the process and that we had to spend this kind of money to make our family legitimate in the state of Texas, we knew it was necessary. We went home and began the process of gathering all of the information for our attorneys.

I scheduled my physical {required} and the home study {also required}. The home study was awkward. A woman came into our home, inspected each room, asked us a ton of questions, and watched me interact with Sebastian. The home study lasted about an hour and a half. She asked me questions about my childhood, my parenting style, and what I want out of life for Sebastian. It was uncomfortable because from day 1 Sebastian has been MY son. I don’t need someone from the outside coming in and evaluating me in order to determine whether or not he is loved, safe, and cared for. I just didn’t feel right about it, but her paperwork had to be submitted to the attorneys as part of the case – so I went with it. In a way, I felt sort of…violated. I didn’t feel it was necessary to have someone watch me with my son. But again, it was a requirement of the process.

Not long after the home study, I posted something on Facebook about the second parent adoption process and how irritated I was that we had to jump through so many hoops to become a family. Someone on my friend list saw the post and sent me a private message asking me to give her a call. I called her and was told that she hated that Barbara and I had to go through so much to become a family, and that she wanted to pay all costs associated with me adopting Sebastian.

Needless to say, we were taken aback by such generosity. A couple of days later, I received a check in the mail with a note that read, “We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.” I keep the note on my wall in my office to remind me that there are still people like this amazing lady in the world. It was truly a blessing, and we will always be so thankful.

Fast forward to the court date. We woke up early and got dressed up for the courthouse. We were so excited to be united as a family! Barbara was emotional as the judge read the court order and granted the adoption, as well as the name change. It was a day we will never forget.

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We kind of made a little vacation out of the deal to make it fun. We got a hotel on the riverwalk in San Antonio, ate some good food, and took Sebastian to the zoo. We refused to make the ENTIRE process a burden.  After all, parenting should be a joy.

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In honor of Pride Month, we are dedicated to celebrating ALL moms and the challenges and obstacles some must face to enter into motherhood.  Our hope is that this series will enlighten you and inspire you, so please join us as real local moms open up and share their stories all day long.  To read more, please click here.


About Kris

Kris was born and raised in the Houston area. She graduated from the University of Houston with a B.S. in psychology and has been a paralegal for the past 10 years at a firm in the Galleria area. She and her wife currently live in Katy with their son Sebastian.

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