Confessions of a Former Bully :: What I Want My Kid to Know

This is not an easy topic for any parent to even think about, but it has increasingly become one we must speak on nonetheless. We live in a dangerous age where children are not just simply ‘being children’. We live in a dangerous age where our children cannot go home and feel safe due to technology’s breach. According to the National Voices for Equality, Education, and Enlightenment {2016}, a child is bullied every 7 minutes but only 4% experience any adult intervention and over 1 million children were “subjected to other forms of cyber bullying on Facebook {alone} during the past year” {}

Confessions of a Former Bully :: What I Want My Kid to Know

Becoming a parent has a way of changing our perspective, doesn’t it? We worry all the time. We hurt when our children hurt. Most of all, we fear that the things we went through might happen to them, because we know. I lay in bed fearing the worst. How will I know when my child is being bullied? How can I build a relationship with him strong enough that he will open up to me? HOW can I PROTECT him from these scenarios? More importantly, how can I raise him to not be a bully himself? When the time comes there will be too many things to say but I think when the time does come, I will have to be painfully honest. I want him to know that I was a bully for a large part of my school years and I want him to know…

It Will Catch Up to You

Kids go through awkwardness, big teeth, baggy clothes etc. We always hear that they will grow into it. The most common explanation I’ve heard is that it is a phase when it’s behavioral. Most of the time it is, but when you hurt someone else, its not. I want him to know you never grow out of it. The guilt will linger and it gets worse.

There are Very Real Consequences

I think of people I’ve been mean to often. I see most of them have done very well and I’m happy. They have beautiful children, stable jobs, and living the dream. As we know, these are all fortunate outcomes. Too often we hear a child taking their own life as a result of any form of bullying. I need him to know that he can cause this to happen. We tell our kids they can die from toxins, drugs, drinking and driving…we need to be real about this too.

Being a Good Friend is Much Easier than being a bully

There is one sure thing I have learned that I definitely need my kid to know. I want him to know that being a good friend is much more enjoyable thing than being a bully. Seeing someone genuinely happy to see you can fill your soul with a sense of lightness that is incomparable. I want him to know that a strong bonded friendship can help him through broken hearts, hard diets, and terrible midterm exams. 

Maybe one day I will have the courage to tell them all how much I would love to redo those days, how much I wish I never said what I said, and how much I wish I would have reached out as a friend instead of a bully. 

It is even more apparent that I am extremely flawed thanks to many late night revelations post childbirth. I pray we all have the strength to admit to ourselves our wrong doings to help our children to be better than we were. I hope one day my honesty will help him understand the seriousness of his choices and as much as I pray he will not be hurt, I pray more so that he will not hurt others.


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One Response to Confessions of a Former Bully :: What I Want My Kid to Know

  1. Avatar
    Patricia October 23, 2019 at 8:10 am #

    The result of the society collective priorities, behaviors, trends and new social media norms streams from the nucleous of society : The family,. The homes with daily rutines, talks,love,genuine care,and sense of goals and boundries. A great dynamics of this nucleous would certainly help young human being to navigate life the right way with character, sense of pride,humility and vision.

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