Do I Have Postpartum Depression?

This was a question I asked myself for months. Each time thinking, “No! It’s not possible.” But I would always excuse it away with things like, “But I remember being totally fine after she was born. It wasn’t ’til a few months later I felt like this. Can’t be postpartum depression.” Or, “The girls have been really sick, it’s just that.” Or, “We’ve been potty training the 3 year old and that 3 day method hasn’t worked all 3 of the times we’ve done it.” {Hashtag ihatepottytraining. Hashtag 3daypottytrainerfailure. Hashtag losingmymind. Hashtag wouldratherbirth3kidsthanpottytrain1. Hashtag watchjimmyfallonclipifyouareconfused.}

All legitimate explanations to my question, so I continued on assuming those were all the causes for the off way I was feeling.

But that question continued to pop up. I thought to myself that this wasn’t normal. And this isn’t how I usually respond when something is hard. I can usually handle kids being sick or Chris getting home late or a friend doing something hurtful or whatever. I’m not usually this numb. And I’m not a crier. Why do I try to get out of every single social thing now when I’m such an extrovert? I work hard to act like me when I’m around others, leaving me wiped out once I’m home. I have no patience with my girls. And on and on it goes.

So I took an online quiz {as if I’m really 13 and have a crush on a boy and want to find out if he really likes me}. But I’m so glad I did. Quiz after quiz gave me the result – “Absolutely, contact a doctor immediately.” Not maybe or unlikely, but absolutely.

I couldn’t believe it. For the first time in months I felt hope. My baby was 8 months at the time, and I had felt this way for 5 months. However, for a few weeks I didn’t tell anyone, not even my husband. I was ashamed. Convinced I could pray and self-help my way out of this.

Finally, a month later in response to me saying, “I’m sorry, I’m just in a funk this week,” my husband, in a truly loving way, said to me, “Becky, it’s been longer than a week, you’ve been like this for a while. I think something else is going on.”

He was right. I told him what I suspected, and the next day I made an appointment at the Texas Children’s Pavilion for Women since they specialize in reproductive psychiatry.

And a week later I had my diagnosis :: I have Postpartum Depression {PPD}.

Long story short, I’m 3 months into my treatment {a combination of prayer, self-help, essential oils, and antidepressants}, and I finally feel like me again!

I’m sharing my story because I want to help you and the other mamas you know. If you or someone you know thinks you might have PPD, please don’t wait to get help. I hate that I waited 5 months before getting help myself. I hate the time I lost with my family and friends not being me. I’ll never get those days back, but you still can.

There are so many more details I’d love to share about PPD. I’ll be doing a series on my blog sharing about my journey and treatment plan for PPD. In the mean time, if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask me in the comments, on Facebook, or by emailing me at beckykhmb {at} gmail {dot} com. You can also check out a this great website to find out more about PPD. And if you think there is any chance you might have this, I highly recommend letting your doctor know soon…don’t wait any longer.