Oh pregnancy, a time when your body is constantly changing. Every day brings a new surprise. The miracle of life…..plus many gross things that happen along the way. Anyone who has ever had sex during pregnancy knows it is a whole new adventure with your partner. It can bring you closer together as you harken back to the awkwardness of early sexual encounters, or it can shut down completely, depending on the day, week, trimester, how long it’s been since you ate, etc. There are several articles that will give you “tips for pregnancy sex” like positions to try, using lube, and such. But anyone who has ever attempted this will know they don’t tell you what it is really like. Let’s dive into some tips that will help you on your way.
Pop a Tums
Unless you want to be plagued by acid coming up during your strenuous activity, or the moment you lay down in any way shape or form, pop an antacid. Nothing kills the mood like almost throwing up…..on your partner.
Embrace the Sex Towel
So when you are pregnant, your body releases this super fun hormone called relaxin, which makes all of your parts loosey goosey in anticipation of pushing a baby out. This especially includes your vag, since that is where the little bugger might exit eventually. What this means is that liquidy things that may have once stayed put a bit after sex now just come right back out like a faucet. That combined with the copious amount of lube you may need to have comfortable sex while you are pregnant can make for a big mess to clean up. Unless you want to change the sheets every time, embrace the concept of a dropcloth to catch all that. It’s also handy to wrap around you like a toga as you waddle to the bathroom afterward to pee even if you just peed before.
Ask for Help
There are going to be things that you can just no longer do. Once you hit second trimester your abs basically don’t work anymore, so sitting up is a full body experience. And then rolling over also becomes one. Don’t even start on picking up clothes off the floor. This is where your partner comes in. Ask them to grab a limb, hand you your undies, or give you a boost when you need it. And they should do it because they love you…and because they are getting to have sex with you, you gorgeous thing.
Say What’s Off Limits
Your body does all sorts of random things throughout pregnancy. Your boobs may hurt at first, or be extra sensitive in a bad way…or a good way. You might develop new aches and pains in your hips or pretty much anywhere toward the end. Sex generally is meant to feel good, and if you don’t communicate that a sensation has changed, your partner is likely going to stick with what you have always done together. Switching it up and talking about what does and doesn’t feel good is the best way to keep things pleasurable for both of you.
Build a Pillow Tower
You know the pregnancy pillows you spent a fortune on just to get a decent night of sleep and slowly edge your partner out of your bed? Use those. The more pregnant you get, the more things like laying on your back, belly, etc. just won’t comfortably work. Stick pillows wherever you need them for support to help your body be semi-comfortable during pregnancy sex. This is something you can ask for help with especially when you can no longer twist to reach behind you.
Focus on What Feels Good
Look, there is a lot happening during sex while you are pregnant. The baby might move, you might get a horrendous butt cramp immediately after an orgasm, you might have a flurry of Braxton Hicks for a little while after you finish. It can be hard to block out the distractions of all of the new sensations happening with your body. Mentally trying to focus on the sensations that feel good ups the chance that the experience will be enjoyable for both of you.
If it Doesn’t Feel Good..Stop
If sex hurts, isn’t fun or just doesn’t feel good, you don’t have to do it. You’ve got a lot going on with growing a person. If you feel extra sexy during this time, take advantage of it. If you don’t, don’t sweat it. There’s time to do that down the road after you evict your current passenger and your body heals. Take care of you mama, whatever that means in the moment.
Pregnancy sex, and especially third trimester sex, is just funny. You might have unexpected farts you can no longer hold in. You might get stuck in a position and need your partner to help you get up. The baby might poke out a foot or hand right in the middle of everything, freaking you both out. If you are expecting sex to be, well, super sexy, you will probably be disappointed. If you expect it to be kind of weird, kind of fun, and a whole different kind of intimacy with your partner, you’ll find yourself with a more realistic idea going in. That in fact, is a great metaphor for the adventure of parenting.
What tips helped you for sex during pregnancy? Share in the comments!