Christmastime is here! The trees are up, Santa has arrived at our local mall and Christmas Carols are turned up loud in all the department stores. Time find our Christmas spirit and do some yule-tide celebrating over the punch bowl of eggnog. My family will gather around my in-law’s table as we do each year and the question will be posed, “What is your favorite Christmas memory?” I will struggle for a positive answer as I push my uneaten green bean casserole around my plate.
As it has been for many years, I fully wanted to walk into this season with a positive spirit ready to celebrate all things Christmas. My house is decorated and presents have been purchased, but I finally have the nerve to speak some hard words.
I dislike Christmas.
There I said it and an elf at the North Pole just fainted.
I so wanted this year to be different, but the black cloud came as quickly as my December calendar filled. The deadly Instagram comparison game started with the first bottle-brush tree post {honestly, I lose this game every season}. Coordinating the time that my oldest daughter will spend with her other family has belligerently begun {divorce makes Christmases so much harder}.
This year I am fighting hard to push down all the negatives and hoping that joy will rise to the top. My one Christmas wish is that my melancholy mood will not be passed down to the three girls who are eagerly waiting for Santa’s sleigh.
I want every bit of their holiday spirit to remain far into their adulthood.
The curious wonder of how that elf actually moves each night.
The excitement they have to purchase presents for their sisters, each taking special care to select something they know their sister will love.
Their big eyes when marshmallows are stacked in a large heap on top of their hot chocolate.
The sound of “oohs and aahs” from the backseat as we drive into neighborhoods lit up for Christmas.
The pure untarnished joy that can be seen on their faces each Christmas morning.
Eventually, they too will know the feeling of spending your first Christmas without someone you hold dear and they will have a Christmas budget, but for now I want to experience all of the fun that can be had during this season.
To keep the wonder in place for my daughters this year I will take them to experience all of the amazing holiday events that Houston has to offer. We will ride trains and slide down faux snow-hills. I will move that elf like it is my job. We spend many nights bundled up in the car drinking hot cocoa while searching for the best Christmas lights. Our house will constantly smell of fresh baked cookies.
I will breathe and push through while hoping so of their joy and Christmas spirit rubs off on me. I will attempt to smile while promising myself {as always} that next year will be better.
