I Don’t Give My Husband Enough Credit

I Don't Give My Husband Enough CreditAll my friends know that I am extremely hard on myself, as almost all moms are. We never feel our kids are being raised well enough, and it seems that we also feel we are never good enough. The fact that many, if not all, moms feel this way gives me a sense of comfort knowing that I am not alone and that this is what comes with the territory…that I don’t just suck at this. Another fact my friends know about me {because I have a TMI problem} is that I often can come off harshly about my husband. I blame it on the gray cloud that hangs over my household for the need to be perfect, and when things are not, I explode {which is a recognized problem of its own that we will not be going into at this moment}. 

My friends and family often “joke” about how they “feel so bad for Raymond.” I’m not going to lie, I am usually offended. I think to myself, “What? he’s got a great wife and family, how dare they?” 

Then, in the form of a bed-ridden and want-to-crawl-into-the-Harry-Potter-Cave-VMort-Hid-His-Horcrux flu, it hit me in the face like a big sack of raw conflict free diamonds. I was completely magnifying everything my husband does wrong instead of what he is doing right.

Luckily for me, he never reads my posts {no matter how much he claims he does} so I will never have to truly admit to him that I owe him a million apologies. 

When Mom is Down

It was Saturday before New Year’s Eve and I was super excited to have the baby home all week. I had his entire schedule lined up for Zoo Lights, park play days, and other things to make up for the days stinky work put a damper on. I woke up cold with a fever and other icky sick things. Needless to say, I immediately became bedridden and passed out for an entire day. An urgent care visit confirmed I had been struck by the flu. My immediate thought was, “Oh great, my child is going to do nothing all week”. 

The Problem with Dad-Shaming

I definitely am here for the girl-power and mom-love movement. We pack the best lunches and according to an experienced toddler {my toddler} mommy also gives the best kisses. We break our backs and stay up late looking up how to hide more veggies in food. We choose to go above and beyond, but should we shame dads because they choose not to? Being alone for an entire week as I hear my son cracking up with his dad downstairs taught me something very valuable:: I don’t give my husband enough credit. 

Memes and moms alike have been incredibly vocal about what dads don’t do and comparing their lackluster daily efforts to ours. What if they are trying and it is their best efforts? Clearly my son is not feeling the sense of anything missing in his life. After I got over my hurt ego, I realized whatever my husband was doing was more than enough. I was dad-shaming my husband simply because he wasn’t doing it my way. He wasn’t dressing him as I would and he wasn’t running and aiding his every whim, but that wasn’t him. I was expecting and forcing someone to change. I was so worried about my son forming bad habits like not putting away toys immediately that I forgot he had to do the most important thing in life:: just play! While I was shaming my husband for being too carefree of a dad, it blinded me from seeing other lessons he was teaching our son…like living in the moment. 

Remembering Why I Chose My Husband

Now that my child has hit the big 2, I have been looking up all sorts of disciplinary suggestions. One of the things I have come across is introducing the idea of choice. I tell my toddler he is choosing to not go to the park because he is choosing to not wear his sweater. I also have to remind myself of all the reasons I chose to marry his dad. I have known my husband for almost half my life and sometime I forget. I forget all his great qualities and the reason I chose to have a child with him. I am teaching my son that life is all about choices and it was time I  taught myself that. 

I Don't Give My Husband Enough Credit

Stop Being a Martyr

I live by and preach the “if you want it done right…” motto. I end up spreading myself thin and often being disappointed in the result then it leads to me being bitter/resentful that I had to do too much while my husband didn’t.I haven’t been this sick in a long time and for this length of time. What this has taught me was that I was being a martyr nobody asked for. I hogged the duties of being a parent. Nobody was going to fold my son’s clothes like me and nobody played with him the way I do! I was robbing my husband time with his son and I was tiring myself out more than I needed to. I wasn’t giving my husband a chance to make our son laugh or spend alone time with him. 

I Don't Give My Husband Enough Credit

I went to get a massage nearby my house {because venturing far was too risky} and realized that I need to be nicer to my husband. I don’t do resolutions because I will get off the diet in a week and will never ever fold clothes the same day {let’s be honest here} so going forward, my goal is to do something for my marriage and myself:: be nicer to my husband!


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