Infertility Sucks.  Now Let’s Laugh About It.

Infertility sucks.  It’s frustrating to the point of tears and can easily send a woman into the depths of depression and anxiety.  We know all too well the level of sadness that comes with yet another negative pregnancy test.  We’re also familiar with the point in the whole process where you just give up on taking tests altogether.

It’s difficult to keep your head above water when you’re wading into the constant cycle of fertility tests, blood draws, and cycle charting.  They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree.  Sometimes you just have to take a step back and laugh at the absurdity of the situation.  Of course it won’t result in an immediate positive pregnancy test {wouldn’t that be nice?}, but we all deserve to take a minute and let go of some of the stress.

To help, we spoke with our closest friends and family and came up with a list of the craziest things that we’ve said or done in the midst of infertility…

The quotes that sound crazy to anyone who hasn’t been through infertility…

  • My boobs hurt.  But not like an “I’m pregnant” hurt.  More like a “my period will start in one week” hurt.  {For the record, this prediction was correct!}
  • IVF is going to cost $15K.  We should totally get a rewards credit card for this and get points!
  • Hey baby, I got a positive OPK.  What are you doing tonight?
  • {For sperm donations} Who knows how long this whole process will take? We should stock up since sperm is on sale.
  • Are the ovulation tests from the dollar store okay?
  • Honey, is this the pee cup or the mouthwash cup?  {Definitely don’t make that mistake!}
  • Do you think I’m pregnant or can I pound this beer?
  • {It’s totally okay to discuss Cervical Mucus.} This isn’t egg whitey enough.  This is more like cottage cheese.
  • Hey!  These stirrup covers match my socks!
  • Time to look at all these pictures of luscious flowers so that subconsciously my flower will bloom into a seedling too!
  • Honey, did you eat all those oysters? No. Not as an aphrodisiac, but so we can have strong swimmers in 90 days.
  • Sure. Don’t mind if this village of medical students, residents, and other visiting physicians tag along to hear me talk about my barren womb.

And let’s discuss the all together awkward moments…

  • The time you walked out after *ahem* helping your significant other with his donation and there was a nurse standing outside the door waiting.
  • The time your husband went to make his donations and the staff left a 1985 Playboy for him.
  • The time the lady yelled “THIS IS NOT A SEX STORE” when you called to ask if they carried a special pre-seed lubricant to help with the process.
  • The time the movers found the pillow you’d purchased to place under your hips during intercourse to help the swimmers get where they need to go.

No matter where you are in the fertility process, know that you’re not alone.  We’re going through this with you.  We support you. And we totally understand when you feel the need to throat punch the next person who says one of these awful phrases, like “just relax and it’ll happen.”  {For the record, we don’t think you should actually throat punch anyone!  We hear it’s even harder to get pregnant when you’re locked up.}

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