Look at that fresh faced new mom over there. She looks totally “normal”, totally “happy” and not the least bit like she is laying awake at night terrified her baby is dead in his bed. What, too much? Well, welcome to postpartum anxiety my friends, let me show you around.
When I had my first son in 2008, postpartum anxiety was not a thing. At all. The world was still shocked by Andrea Yates, so postpartum depression was a thing. Most OBs would discuss the warning signs and what to watch for in your behavior. If I was asked one more time if I was sad I was going to scream. But anxiety? Nope.
This was before celebrities like Busy Philips wore “Anxiety” around their neck and many articles were written about postpartum anxiety. Back in 2008/2009 if any mental health issues were discussed, it was always depression.
For me, reading through the list of postpartum depression symptoms I knew I was not depressed. I was crying more, but because my baby was THE most beautiful thing in the world. I could not get enough of his precious face and would stare at him and cry with joy. I was bonded with my baby and was not sad about my life changes {yet, I mean come on, it would come}. Look at that baby! Who would not love his little face off.
So how did I explain how I was feeling? This crippling fear that something was wrong with him when I was not with him? Why did I lay awake at night {the two hours he was not eating} and why would my mind would race with all that could be going on in the room 6 feet from mine?
I am so lucky to have a good friend and a great sister who were watching out for me. They both knew that what I was feeling was not “normal” new-mom things and that what I was going through was not ME nor should it be. They both encouraged me to talk to my doctor about what I was experiencing. My doctor is also amazing and immediately recognized that the same person who got in a fender bender while 8 months pregnant and didn’t even call her {guys, I was totally fine and didn’t have time for an overnight in the hospital} would not have transformed seemingly overnight into this fully nervous, panicked mom.
She suspected I had postpartum anxiety. I went home and researched and felt like someone was seeing into my soul. I got on 10 ml of Lexapro and never looked back. It was a game changer for me. I don’t want to get into a medicine vs. non-medicine debate here, but I will just say that for me, just me, it was all in my brain. I could not exercise, meditate or talk my way out of anxiety.
Why am I baring my anxiety ridden soul to you? So that you, or moms you know, can learn from me. Since I am not a medical doctor {don’t tell my husband though I still need to diagnose his “sore throat” as “you are fine”} you need to talk to your doctor about it, armed with the knowledge that this happens to SO many woman. Postpartum axiety can be treated and healed and you can return to sleeping through the night with no fears.
Hahahahaha! Who am I kidding? We are all still moms after all; even the least worriers of us {me, so me} do our fair share of worrying over our precious angels.
Helpful Links
The Symptoms of Postpartum Depression vs. Anxiety, Postpartum Progress
Postpartum Anxiety Might Be Even More Common Than PPD, Huffpost
Postpartum Anxiety: The Other Baby Blues We Need to Talk About, Parents
5 Ways to Cope with Stress and Anxiety, Houston Moms Blog
Wonderful article Kinsey – ❤️ you! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself!
And for all of the mamas out there, anxiety w/ parenting comes & goes at different times. Trust the professionals, trust your tribe & most importantly trust yourself!