Me vs. The Summer :: A Story of Body Positivity

It’s summer, y’all!  Sleeves are disappearing, shorts are getting shorter, school is out, the kids are happy…

And I’m miserable.

Why? 

Because I am terrified by even the thought of squeezing this size 16, 220 pound hunk of mom bod into summer gear.  Social media is flooded with the anecdotal fit mom pictures complete with stretch mark free skin, cellulite free thighs, and adorable babies in matching bikinis.  I, on the other hand, look more like the plushy baby than the mom.  If love handles were a real measure of the amount of love in my body then I’d be the most lovable person on the planet.  On top of that, I’ve got enough tiger stripes {that’s what cool moms call stretch marks, right?} to make a real tiger jealous.  And no matter how many times my husband repeats that “it’s more cushion for the pushin” or that he likes a woman with “junk in her trunk”, I’d much rather wrap myself in a mumu and stay inside.  There is air conditioning and acceptance in here.

The list of faults I can find with myself — or more specifically my body — could go on and on.  I’m sure I’m not the only one fighting the uphill climb towards body positivity.  Many of us struggle with accepting our perceived flaws and it feels like a never ending battle, amiright?

I wish it wasn’t this way.  It really shouldn’t be this way. 

After all, my body is no less deserving of being summer fly than anyone else.  But there is this never spoken, yet always assumed, feeling that everyone is looking.  Not just looking but judging too.  Is it true?  Probably not but the thought — the idea — breeds self consciousness which turns {at least for me} into a little tiny bit of self loathing.  Self loathing, that in turn, has me strutting the streets of Houston mid June in jeans and a 3/4 length sleeved shirt sweating to death.  Or, even worse, denying my kids the opportunity to participate in certain activities because Mommy is too self conscious to take part {I’m looking at you waterparks!}.

Well, it is time for that to change.  Not just because it’s hot as Hades {seriously, Houston, are you trying to sweat me into a lifestyle change?} but because I deserve to be the woman I’d want my little girls to be.  Confident and calm with a serious “I don’t give a flip” attitude.  This body has experienced loss, survived the labor of childbirth, undergone many unhealthy {and unsuccessful} yo-yo diets and yet somehow quite miraculously stuck with me without much complaint.  For all her faults, I can unashamedly say that I love her.

So I’m setting a goal for myself this summer :: to love the body I’m in.  To compliment myself more.  To grant myself just a tiny bit of grace.  To control the narrative I give myself when it comes to my appearance in any season of the year.

If you’re struggling with the same, then these goals are for you too!  Love thyself, Momma. 

And wear the dang shorts.

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6 Responses to Me vs. The Summer :: A Story of Body Positivity

  1. JOI
    JOI June 28, 2018 at 3:54 pm #

    Hey fellow 200 plus pound mom! Similar struggles here. My last three swimsuits were men’s board shorts – or built like an 80s prom dress. But guess what?! Tomorrow. I’m going to the waterpark. Sans children. Because I love the waterpark. And its hot. And guess what else?! I threw away my fat girl swimsuit – the one that covers more skin than any number of winter outfits and that when wet weighs at least 12 pounds. That one… gone. Garbage. And then… I ordered myself a couple of swimsuits that will force the world – skinny and chubby people alike – to view my… cellulite. *Evil Laugh* O well! If there is one thing I’ve learned about waterparks – me and my cellulite will be in great company! 🙂 #Haventgivenuponweightloss #Enjoyinglifeinthemeantime #LazyriverhereIcome

    • Montoya
      Montoya June 28, 2018 at 10:17 pm #

      Joi, you’re my type of person! I legit laughed through this entire comment! Show the world what you’re working with!!

  2. Alissa M
    Alissa M June 29, 2018 at 4:13 pm #

    I LOVE this! Thank you so much for saying–and saying so well–what so many of us feel.

    • Montoya H
      Montoya H June 30, 2018 at 11:06 am #

      Thank you, Alissa! Hope you’re out rocking the shorts and enjoying your summer! <3

  3. Kathryn Y
    Kathryn Y July 1, 2018 at 11:33 am #

    “There is air conditioning and acceptance in here.” I love this so much! I am struggling to accept myself, too.

    But there is one thing that keeps running through my mind- my arms may be chubby but they can pick up two kids at once!

  4. Christine N.
    Christine N. July 6, 2018 at 12:58 am #

    I needed this post so much! Jeans and 3/4 sleeve shirt in the summer mom here. I finally said, “ENOUGH, I’m wearing shorts this summer because it’s hot as hell!” My legs are happy to see the sunlight and I’m not sweating up a storm. I did however splurge a little and purchased a new swimsuit that made me feel good to be in it. Thank you for the post Montoya!!

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