My To-Don’t List:: Why I Don’t Feel Guilty About Not Doing It All

Moms often feel pressured to do it all. But sometimes, a “To-Don’t” list can be just as valuable and affirming as a “To-Do” list.

Summer is a conflicting season for moms. On the one hand, we just want to relax from the hectic routines of the school year. On the other hand, we want our kids to not drive us crazy, be happily engaged in meaningful activities and not stuck on their screens all the live-long day. I see moms who have scheduled camps and activities, moms who are making slime at home and doing crafts on the daily, I see lessons and summer school and outings and travel and staycations. No matter how busy or relaxed, summer can be a breeding ground for comparisons to other moms who somehow seem to do it all.

Fortunately, once I hit forty, I started to care less about what others were doing and just focused on my own mom game. I started to trust my own choices for me and my kids, which includes being confident in the choices I DON’T make, the things I DON’T do even though plenty of other moms do. I think there is great freedom in realizing that the mom who seems to do it all just has a different To-Don’t List. Some may even think I have it all together. To assure you this is most definitely not the case, allow me to share some of my To-Don’t list::

I Don’t::

• work full time
• get up early
• go to bed early
• wash my face at night
• work out
• wash bedsheets very often
• separate laundry into colours
• clean my makeup brushes
• take baths unless I’m sick
• use facial masks
• follow a multi-step skincare routine
• talk on the phone
• send my kids to camp
• enforce strict sceen rules
• have Family Fun Night
• go to Starbucks daily or even weekly
• dust
• mow my own grass
• meal plan
• follow a specific diet
• volunteer at school
• watch TV daily
• clean my van often
• use coupons when shopping
• source organic foods for my family
• clean my house weekly
• clean my baseboards, like, ever
• hire a housekeeper
• have regular date nights with my husband
• see my  extended family regularly
• garden
• go the mall
• keep a careful budget
• go to every sports practice and game for my kids
• etc.
• etc.
• etc.

The important thing about any To-Don’t List is to avoid judging – your own list or anyone else’s. For example, I’m not saying regular date nights aren’t a good idea; I’m just saying I don’t do them. I no longer need others to condone or affirm my choices.  I accept my to-don’ts and know that the don’ts make the to-do list possible. We moms simply cannot do it all. We have to make choices and our conglomeration of do’s and don’ts is what makes us unique and what makes us a mighty community when we come together.

So tell me, what is on your T0- Don’t List? What might you add to it now that you know it’s okay?!