I am a goal oriented person. I love making lists and thinking about what I want to learn and do. I make notes during workshops, during church, while I’m reading books or even having conversations. If I see or hear something that strikes a chord, I make note of it and weave it it into my goals and ambition. You could fairly describe me as “Type A” personality – competitive, self-critical, driven by a sense of urgency, highly organized, and determined.
I set goals in all kinds of areas :: how many books I hope to read each year, how many blog posts to write each week, how to drink more water and eat less chocolate. Back in 2013, I set 13 small goals for 13 broader categories, you know, because of the theme. Can any of my Type A sisters relate?! How many did I achieve? I have no idea; I only remember having fun setting them. My tombstone could aptly say,
She had a goal about this.
These days, however, the tides have shifted. I moved to a new country, gave up my professional career, became a stay-at-home-mom trophy wife, and my Type A ways slowly withered away. I no longer have the pressure of professional development plans or the hectic juggle of activities squeezed between the end of school and bed time. I don’t need a laundry schedule because my days are wide open to do laundry any time I want. {I never want to do laundry which brings a different challenge, but still…} I moved from a 4-acre plot of land to a beautiful home in suburban Houston. The yard doesn’t need me, the house doesn’t need improvements, and I have plenty of time to clean once every week company. I even gave up my day timer for year. {GASP}
Can a leopard lose its spots? Can a Type-A mom change? I am discovering that the answer is … yes. I don’t think I would have chosen to give up my Type A Club Card but circumstances landed me here. As I face the New Year ahead, I am not sure what to do with myself and my inherent drive to set goals and resolutions.
I said to my family over breakfast on January 1s t:: LET’S TALK ABOUT FAMILY GOALS FOR THE NEW YEAR!!! They glanced up from their pancakes long enough to give me the look I deserved. I said to my husband in my most alluring voice, “What goals are you hoping to achieve this year?” He didn’t fall for it. They are not the ones excited by goals. They are content just going through life, taking things as they come and making the best of changing circumstances. Wait!! That should be my goal!! Oops, there I go again inflicting a perfectly normal way of being with my Type A inclinations. I guess recovery goes like that.
I already feel like I am cheating because January 1st has passed and I do not have my goals and resolutions established. If you’re a recovering Type A like me, repeat after me :: it’s not cheating. {Is it??} I do have a guiding word for 2019 as has been my practice since 2011. My word is “Peace” and I have a distinct definition of what that means to me – feeling like I’m doing what I should be doing at any given time. That’s a hard state to achieve for recovering Type As and that is exactly why I want to work on it this year. As I move towards the Type B personality which is relaxed, patient and easy going, I see the downside of being driven to the max for as long as I can remember. I am even starting to laugh at myself a little. {No Nicole, you are not making a matrix of 19 subgoals in 19 categories this year even if it is just a list.}
For 2019, my daily resolutions include things like reading, walking, listening to podcasts, drinking water, praying, and laughing with my kids. I am resisting the urge to legalize those into goals that I will surely fail to accomplish and instead will just focus on the pleasure and peace that comes from doing them at all. I’m resisting approaching my health and wellness from a place of lack and instead focusing on what my body can do and how good food enjoyed in good company enhances my life – even if the company is just myself. I haven’t set any “SMART” goals but I have some hopes and dreams and a planner this year {recovering!!} so I can put action behind them.
This past year, I faced a health crisis and it shook me to my core. It was the event that shoved me way past center of the A to B personality continuum because I realized that most of my goals were not really important in the grand scheme. Even if I could check off every last goal I ever set to that point, it did not equate to a life well-lived. I realized that relationships, attitude and character were what mattered. Type-A-me would immediately try and make those into a goal. Recovering-me is just going to be thankful for another year to experience them.
