One in four isn’t just a statistic…it’s me. {Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness}

Pregnancy Loss - Jen (1)Prior to this pregnancy, my husband and I had been trying to conceive for a little over a year and a half and had already experienced one miscarriage.  However, we started fertility again, and after going through IUI, we finally got the positive we had been dreaming of.  Little did we know – at 7.5 weeks, we would be in for the shock of a lifetime.

For some reason, my husband and I were sure it was going to be twins.  So we both sat anxious ready for our first ultrasound to begin.  Immediately, we saw two beautiful little specs and heartbeats, and my husband kind of squeezed my hand.  But wait…surely that wasn’t what i think it was…a third?  The doctor confirmed that there were in fact three, and that she was still scanning for more.  At this point, I grew concerned and told her that she could stop scanning because three was enough.  She laughed and said, “Well, there are four.  Four little heartbeats.”

Pregnancy Loss - Jen (6)At that very moment, the shock took over.  I had warned my husband and my mom ahead of time that our Reproductive Endocrinologist would suggest reducing the number if we were in fact pregnant with multiples, so we were prepared when we met with him.  He explained how dangerous this pregnancy would be if we decided to keep them all, and he also explained that one of the babies {Baby D} was measuring rather small and the heart didn’t appear to be where it should.  He also said that Mother Nature would take care of things and scheduled us to come back in a week.  But during our next appointment, Baby D was bigger and stronger than everyone else, and we felt as though the decision had been made for us.  We decided to keep all four and pray for the best.

After a fairly uneventful first trimester and check-ups every two weeks, I was put on bed rest around 15 weeks after going into the ER for a sub-chorionic hematoma.  And so began the longest seven weeks of my life.  I am very independent and could no longer do anything on my own. Thankfully, my husband was there for my every need.

When I was 17 weeks pregnant with the quadruplets, we found out we were having two boys and two girls.  But we also found out that my cervix had thinned to .6mm, and my high risk OB said an emergency rescue cerclage was needed or I could lose one or all of the babies.  We were terrified, my husband and I, but once we got to Children’s Memorial Hermann and received thorough explanations and met the hospital staff who would be caring for us, our fears slowly started to subside.  The nurses were very caring and knowledgeable, and although they see these situations occur every day, they understood that this was a first for us and very scary as parents.  They held our hands and provided constant reassurance throughout the whole procedure, and soon after – I was discharged home to full bed rest.

Shortly after, at 20 weeks pregnant, a regularly scheduled ultrasound revealed that I was 3cm dilated and that Baby A, Serenity, was in position to deliver.  I was again, emergency admitted to Children’s Memorial Hermann.  And we were told, once again, that we could lose one or all of the babies.

My husband and I took turns crying hysterically, terrified by what could happen.  We tried so very hard to be strong, but we were so very scared too.

For the next four days, I remained fairly stable, and my husband was by my side every step of the way.  The nurses even commented daily about how lucky I was and how they didn’t have to worry about me because they knew he was taking care of me too.  But on the 5th day, I started having contractions, and Baby Serenity started to deliver when I went to use the restroom.  My husband quickly called the nurse, and they prepared us for an emergency delivery in the OR assuming my cerclage had not held.  I knew we were going to lose Baby Serenity, and I did not want to see or hold her because I just didn’t think I was strong enough to handle it emotionally.

However, while my mom was crying in the hallway, one of the nurses began comforting her.  After all, these would be my mom’s first grandbabies, and she was scared too.  My mom told the nurse that she was concerned about my husband and I seeing the baby born too early to survive.  Through painful tears, she asked, “I mean, what does a 20 week old baby look like?  Will she have a face and toes and fingers?  Will she look like a baby?”  The nurse explained that Baby Serenity would indeed look like a precious little baby, and she strongly recommended that we hold her after she was born.  It would be the only time we would have with her, and if we didn’t – we would most likely regret it.

I’m so glad she did.

Pregnancy Loss - Jen (3)In the OR, that same nurse stayed by my side and held my hand the entire time.  Once Baby Serenity was delivered, the nurse squeezed my hand even tighter and leaned over and talked and prayed with me while my husband held our baby angel.  Then, our precious angel was placed on my chest for me to hold.  The nurse told me to talk to Baby Serenity.  That she would recognize my voice.  And she did.  I said, “Hi momma’s sweet girl.”  Baby Serenity reached her little foot out and ran it along my hand.  The nurse took pictures of it all, and we are eternally grateful to her for those moments caught on camera.

After cleaning our baby up, they brought her to us and allowed us to spend some more time with her.  Our sweet angel’s heart continued to beat for 2.5 hours, and the nurses were amazed at her strength during this time too.  They gave us as much time as we needed to allow us to say our goodbyes and to grieve.  After Baby Serenity passed away, they brought us the pictures of her, a soft teddy bear, and a beautiful memory box.  How we were treated upon the loss of our baby, it just amplified the care and the love that we felt.

The pregnancy began to calm down after that, but two days later – I started contracting again.  All of the nurses and doctors on staff did everything they could to stop the contractions and make sure that I was as comfortable as possible during this time.  But sadly, at around 11:20pm, my water broke.  We were devastated because we knew we were now going to lose the remaining three of our quads.

Pregnancy Loss - Jen (5)It all happened so fast.  And I really don’t remember much.  But Baby B {Jackson}, Baby C {Gianna}, and Baby D {Gage} were all born at 11:45pm.  Once they were all delivered, the nurses began to wrap them separately…but my husband asked if they could wrap our three angels together instead.  One again, the nurses gave me and my family time to be alone and to grieve which we appreciate more than they will ever know.  It is impossible to describe the solemness and pain that was in my hospital room that day.  We cried and cried, and we held each other so tight, and we each held our beautiful babies too.

One week later, we had a memorial service for our precious little ones on the day that we had planned to have our baby shower.

Pregnancy Loss - Jen (1)

You hear about miscarriages and losses all the time, but once you see that positive pregnancy test – there is no way that you think it will ever happen to you.  Especially once you are out of your first trimester.  No one ever tells you that if you go into labor prior to 23 – 24 weeks, that no one will do anything to save your beautiful children and that as a parent you will have to sit back helplessly and watch them pass in your arms.  No one prepares you for making funeral arrangements…or bringing home their ashes…or receiving death certificates in the mail.  It’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  An indescribable, devastating emptiness, but yet someway, somehow you have to find a way to carry on with your life for your husband and step children and other family.

This pain was eased for me because of the many blessings that have come out of our children’s conception and birth.  We found out after the delivery that my uterus tore, and that if they babies had been any bigger – I could have bled to death, and my husband would have not only lost his babies…but his wife too.  And while I would have gladly given my life to save the lives of my children, I am forever grateful to my angels for saving me.  I know it was all part of God’s plan.

Among some of the other blessings, our babies have a Facebook page called 2 Wishes 4 Blessings with over 900 followers spanning all across the world.  We have received letters from people all over telling us they admire our strength and courage and how we have held strong to our faith through it all.  I have gotten to speak to other mothers who have lost their children and even to the hospital staff to help them understand what it is like from a grieving mother’s perspective.  I truly believe that I am doing what God has called me to do and that we were put through these challenges to in turn help others.

My husband and I have decided to start trying again, and we will start fertility this month.  Are we scared?  Yes, more than anything in the world!  There isn’t anything I wouldn’t give to be that naive woman I was prior to losing my babies.  I will never know what it would have been like to be a parent prior to a loss, and I am sure that every ultrasound will be terrifying and that every milestone will be scary.  Even after our rainbow baby/ies are here, I am sure we will still watch over them as they sleep to check for the rise and fall of every breath.  But through all of that, we refuse to give up and now we know we have four little angels up in heaven watching over us and cheering us on.  We think about them daily and every first is hard…  First Mother’s Day, First Easter, First Halloween…  But we have each other, and the three F’s that have gotten us this far – Faith, Family, and Friends!

 In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, we are dedicated to remembering the little ones who were lost too soon and raising awareness within our community.  Please join us all throughout the day as several local moms bravely open up and share their stories with all of you.  To read more and show your support, please click here.


 Jen BioAbout Jen P.

Jen was born May 5, 1983 in Pasadena to Charlotte Woods and Joseph Seahorn.  She has an older sister, Christal, and a younger brother, Joey.  She puts her faith and family first in everything she does, as they are her world and always have been.  She found her prince charming in October of 2011 in one of the darkest times of her life, as her mom had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.  She married Chris on October 6, 2012, and they immediately began trying to start a family of their own.  She has worked in the oil and gas field as a Sr. Accounting Associate for almost 10 years now and loves what she does.  She has two fur babies, Samson and Santana, and for now they are her children.

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2 Responses to One in four isn’t just a statistic…it’s me. {Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness}

  1. Avatar
    Katie October 15, 2014 at 12:38 pm #

    oh Jen, you have me crying. I love you so much & you’re such a strong woman. You & Chris are such pillars of strength & I am so proud to call you my friend. The work you’re doing to help others is so selfless & amazing. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it brings strength to others. I’ll continue to pray for y’all. I can’t wait until y’all have little yuppie babies that Auntie K can spoil rotten 🙂

  2. Avatar
    ️Meg O. October 15, 2014 at 12:46 pm #

    Jen, I think about you and your babies all the time. You guys are always in my prayers. You are one of the strongest women I know. You and your babies made such an impact on me.

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