Second Time Mom :: Fear Confessions!

I’m a mere 48 hours {at most} away from welcoming my second baby into this world. So of course, for the past 48 hours all I’ve been doing is staring at my first born – my beautiful, smart, amazing little girl that gave me the title of Mother. I can’t stop asking for extra big hugs and kisses, nibbling on toes and running my hands through the silky blond hair of my own childhood. In two short years, she has become my whole world, not a replacement for my world beyond her, but…my whole world.

As we left the hospital with Maggie, I remember my husband loading the car, the nurse taking the wheel chair away and all of a sudden it was just us + a baby. With no words, we looked around, wide eyed, waiting for more direction, but that was it. We were being trusted with this life, this itty bitty beautiful little girl had nothing but us, and in that moment my real fears of motherhood set in. Twenty six months later, and thankfully, my confidence in mothering is practiced and refined, and a lot of the same worries don’t exist this time around. But I have a whole new set of fears. A whole lot of worry festering in the back of my mind that I’ve never really said out loud. So I’m about to say write them, and Jessica is going to reassure me on every, single one of them. In the way that the captain of your support team, your cornerstone, the head cheerleader and an experienced second third time mother does! We somehow never really had this conversation, and I can’t wait to see what she has to say!

 second time mom jitters

Second Time Mom Fear #1

Will I be able to love someone that I don’t know yet in the same way that I love Maggie? And how am I ever going to be equally obsessed with someone in the same way that I am with Maggie?

Sariiiiiiiiiiiii…sari, sari, sari.  I think everyone goes through this one, right?!?  It’s just like with Mags.  Every day you’ll learn something new and exciting about sweet baby boy and fall a little tiny bit more in love and be a little tiny bit more obsessed.  There is room to love at least 5 sari…2 is a piece of cake!!  Just remember…it might happen instantly, it might happen gradually…either way is FINE!

 

Second Time Mom Fear #2

As a first born girl, I was originally fearful for how I would deal with a first born girl {and still am for our upcoming hormonal years}, but it has actually been a blessing. I understand the “all by myself”s and the frustration I see in her when something isn’t how she wants it, and I find that I’m better at dealing with it. What if I can’t adjust…to a boy…with a different personality? What if my great mothering technique has purely been based on my own life experiences??

T-RUST me when I say I can relate to this one.  The idea of a boy felt soooooo unbelievably foreign to me I cannot even put it into words.  However, when that chubby, blonde, bundle of sweetness snuggles up on your chest and you can just feel the difference between type-A, in control, first born and laid back, lover, just like his daddy, you will melt.  I didn’t believe this when other people told me, but it’s true and it is the perfect balance to Mags. 

 

Second Time Mom Fear #3

What if Maggie is sad? What if she notices a shift in my loving, attention, obsession?

Sari…she will be sad, and she will notice. And for me, this was the hardest part.  I think that it took about a month for everyone in our house to show signs of being adjusted.  Remember when Laine pretended that Owen didn’t exist????  It was brutal!  But when she learned the new routine and figured out where her place was and where the baby’s place was and decided it was all going to work out, things settled.  You’re going to set up special dates with only Mags like ice cream, shoe shopping, and ummmmmm, I don’t know…American Girl tea parties!! Ha!  She’ll probably buddy up to daddy a little more, but the sadness is temporary.  The first month is the worst and then the new normal will set in and you won’t even remember sad Maggie ever existed.

 

Second Time Mom Fear #4

How am I going to pick Maggie up from the breeding ground of childhood germs, aka daycare, with a 1/2/3 week old??

Riiiiiiiiight??? So I think we have some options, the best one being snap-n-go covered by a breathable blanket.  Easy, easy, easy.  If you don’t want to do that, I think you’re going to need to call up school and work out some kind of  ‘meet me in the front’ option.  If you don’t like that, you’re going to have to bite the bullet and get a babysitter who wants to come over 2 or 3 hours in the afternoon.  {Pause.} I think I like the last option best!  Like, you feed the baby at 2.  Babysitter arrives at 2:30, and you take a nap from 2:30-4:30.  Pick up Mags at 5.  Babysitter leaves at 5:30! Yessssss! That would be the perfect gift from Grandpappy…we are talking about his namesake here!

 

Second Time Mom Fear #5

{I realize this fear is selfish, and I am a lucky, lucky Mom when it comes to my child’s sleep habits.}
What if this baby doesn’t perfectly follow BabyWise by 6 weeks? What if he doesn’t like swaddles, pacis, or nap nannies? What is plan B?

You won’t need a plan B because he will follow BabyWise, like to be swaddled, love the paci, live for the nap nanny.  That’s just what our babies do.  I have no other comments on this. 

nccs

Anybody else have advice for Sari?  I’m just one person with one experience, and I know everyone goes through this differently.  PLEASE comment below and let her know what I’m forgetting!  Sure can’t wait to show y’all pics of our newest cousin in just two days!!! Goodness y’all…..2 days is nothing!!!

, ,

11 Responses to Second Time Mom :: Fear Confessions!

  1. Avatar
    Meg O. November 11, 2013 at 9:00 am #

    What an incredibly sweet post written with such a unique perspective!! Love this! My husband and I are starting to talk about baby #2 (although I have no idea when that will actually happen) and I have begun to think about that first question – how in the world can I love something as much as I love Kennedy?

    • Avatar
      Jessica and Sarah November 11, 2013 at 9:14 am #

      Just call me meg! I’ve got a pep talk for you in my back pocket too!

  2. Avatar
    Condy November 11, 2013 at 10:47 am #

    My advice is chill out. People have 2,3,4… babies everyday and it all works out. They have been doing it long before nap nannies and Babywise (although Im a huge believe in Babywise). As a foster mom I went from 1 to 2 kids with 2 hours notice and everyone is doing just fine. Also, germs are OK :).

    • Avatar
      Jessica and Sarah November 11, 2013 at 11:12 am #

      I think Sarah and I both need a weekly pep talk from you!! 2 hrs….OMG! Thanks for the perspective!

  3. Avatar
    Papa Don November 11, 2013 at 11:22 am #

    Focus on awe, love and blessings of the moment and don’t give the “What if’s” one moment of thought. A wise Mother once said. “Whiners lose there candy to the Whiner Fairy”. It truly works. If you focus only of the love of what you have …then you will not only keep your candy …but always get more. We can’t wait. Papa Don

  4. Avatar
    Jaime November 11, 2013 at 11:37 am #

    You will do GREAT Sarah! And so will Mags..and so will John…and so will that sweet Jack!! And as far as your fear #5. I don’t have 2 yet..BUT…I have 1 that didn’t like listening to the great advice of Babywise or the idea of sleeping through the night until she was 7 months old…and you know what, it sucks…BUT..you deal, and learn to make it work for you! You’ll get through anything that comes your way and will adjust accordingly! HELLO…I think you’ve been flexible in life to get through so much more…YOU”VE GOT THIS, GIRL!!!! NOW GO HAVE THIS KIDDO, ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Avatar
    Kelly D November 11, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

    I experienced all of these fears and emotions myself before having Hadley, but Jessica is so right – it all just magically works out. And soon you will not even remember your life as a mommy of one! I’ll be thinking about you, Sarah, as you welcome your newest addition into the world this week… 🙂

  6. Avatar
    Cindy November 11, 2013 at 8:17 pm #

    Time is divided, Love multiplied. Baby #2 will be different but that pure maternal love will be there for him as it is for your daughter. Hey… He’s family, right? 🙂 but… The absolutely most amazing wonderful moment is when you see your two (maybe one day 3 or 4) show each other love, make each other laugh and sneak Halloween candy together in a covert operation. I know, if I do everything right (or just mostly right) I will have immense satifsfaction knowing that when I leave this earth… They will have each other. 🙂 all smiles.

  7. Avatar
    Bethy November 13, 2013 at 9:22 am #

    We should have had this conversation sooner! At Addy’s 1st birthday party, 4 months pregnant with Camille, I shared Fear #1 with Anne Pierce. Like, so consumed with love for my first child, the rest of our kids had to get the shaft, there was no way I could love another kid so much. Anne’s exact advice: “Don’t be ridiculous.” And I quote her ;). But she was right.

  8. Avatar
    Tiffanie V November 14, 2013 at 9:55 pm #

    Hadley was sick at 2 weeks of age with the dreaded RSV. Got it from her big brother. Sharing is caring, right!? Gotta love day care. The good news is that she kicked RSV in the booty — probably because she was so young and covered with my antibodies and breast milk. I was sick too so my body was fighting it off which the doctors say helped her fight off hers. All that to say, it stinks because it happens but sometimes there are some perks to introducing them to germs young and early. Still it is downright scary though.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Emotions of a Second Pregnancy | Houston Moms Blog - April 15, 2015

    […] because of discussions with my friends and reading other people’s fears and confessions and the rawfully honest truths others have shared about trouble bonding with their second baby, I […]

Leave a Reply

HTML Snippets Powered By : XYZScripts.com