#SuburbanMomProbs

We are suburbia people. Always have been. I grew up in the outskirts of Dallas, in a city I’ve “affectionately” dubbed the Land o’ Concrete and McMansions. After Matt and I got married and moved to New Orleans, we tried our hardest to embrace urban living … but just couldn’t do it. Out to the ‘burbs we went. So it was only natural when we came to Houston that we would again find ourselves in a cookie cutter suburb full of HOAs and pristine manicured lawns. It suits us.

But the suburban living comes with its own set of “problems,” especially when you become a mom. Maybe you can relate? {Clearly, I’m defining problems here loosely in case you were wondering.}

Suburban Mom Problems | Houston Moms Blog

  • Chick-fil-A is the hot hangout especially on rainy days. And then you find yourself kicking 12-year-olds off the indoor playground because you are now “that mom.”
  • You routinely get threatening notices from your HOA regarding trash bins left outside for more than 12 hours or not having TWENTY one-gallon sized plants of a particular species in your yard. {Who are these people that drive around counting? Identify yourselves!}
  • All of your urban friends are raving about Amazon Prime Now. Yeah. They don’t deliver to your area, sorry.
  • Everything you need is in like a 2 mile square radius. So if you have to cross to the other side of the town, your kids freak out thinking you are leaving Texas.
  • You have to pass about a zillion playgrounds and pools to go anywhere, which means routinely telling your kids, “No, not today.”
  • Forget running to the grocery in your finest gardening clothes. You are guaranteed to run into someone you know, every.single.time.
  • It is no longer acceptable to drive a Escape / Camry / [insert-other-practical-car] here for Driver’s Ed. They drive Acuras out here, y’all.
  • The normal wardrobe is yoga pants, workout shirt, and sweatshirt tied around your waist, complete with a top knot and Ray Bans. Actually, I don’t have much of a problem with this.
  • Chain restaurants are your only offerings. But you eat there anyway because … the drive into town.
  • You have white knuckles and lock jaw every time you have to get on a freeway. Ohhh, but you have navigation in your car, so you’re good, girl.
  • You have routinely tried to enter the same type of SUV as yours. Only to find out it’s another black SUV with two car seats and a school spirit sticker on the back.
  • Your children only know coffee as related to Starbucks. And then they have the nerve to hold up the line because we want to make sure that the precious Snowflake doesn’t actually taste the coffee.
  • You’ve never been to a restaurant with girlfriends where at least half the table doesn’t make substitutions for their meal. {Guilty!}
  • You commute an hour or more to work because “school systems.”
  • Costco is an adventure. See also :: $1.00 hot dog lunch.
  • You are part of approximately 5 different neighborhood groups and Varage Sale sites. And someone is always complaining. And it’s usually the same someone. Probably the same person who counts plants for the HOA.
  • It legit blows your mind when a fellow mom in her fancy SUV cuts in line at the CFA drive through. Aren’t we all in this together, Buffy?
  • Your preschool parking lot looks like the SUV and Minivan sections of CarMax.
  • Your kindergartner now knows what Under Amour is and monogrammed polo shirts are dead to him now. Bonus :: It’s all crazy neon so you can see him the moment he exits the school and heads to the crosswalk.
  • Great schools. Crazy PTAs. You’ve never written so many checks for fundraisers, spirit sticks, and all manners of cookie dough. There is a t-shirt for EVERYTHING. Oh, and it’s Under Armour because, of course.
  • Your toll tag fees are built into the monthly budget.
  • Ladies who lunch in tennis skirts, visors, and perfectly manicured nails. Enough said.
  • Monthly Bunco meetings are the best way you get to know your neighbors since everyone closes their garage a millisecond after getting home.
  • You see your spouse approximately 1 hour a day thanks to the commutes above.
  • “Children at Play” flashing signs are a regular presence on your cul-de-sac.
  • Houses are only differentiated by varying stone colors.
  • Setting up a play date requires an act of congress, snacks and juice for the kids, and wine for the adults. Even if it’s 10 am.
  • You know exactly who the Queen Bee is of your child’s school. And you loathe her, but pretend otherwise because … mean girls.
  • Your child’s backpack is Pottery Barn, monogrammed, and they get a new one every year. With a monogrammed water container. {Only in preschool though. Apparently it’s not “cool” from Kinder and up.}
  • Conversations with other moms routinely involve discussions over the latest organic trend at Whole Foods. And then you get the evil eye at play dates when you dare bring donuts and Capri Suns.
  • Patio furniture for your outdoor kitchen costs more than your living room set.
  • You worry more about getting your child into the best dance schools or swimming clubs. Oh, and registration for those fill up months in advance.
  • As hard as you tried not to be, you are now a soccer mom.

Clearly these are all #firstworldprobs. Despite the above that can be annoying or down right irritating, I love our little space in the ‘burbs. It’s probably not for everyone, but we’ve been fortunate to meet some of the nicest people ever here. I will always stress about “going into town,” getting on the freeways, and I’ll probably always be a little miffed by Buffy. But this is home. And we are thankful. {Well, mostly. C’mon, Amazon Prime Now. Get it together!}

So sound off below! What are your #suburbanmomprobs???

3 Responses to #SuburbanMomProbs

  1. Erika Slaughter September 20, 2016 at 6:52 am #

    This post had me laughing throughout the entire thing! I mean Yes to them all!! Hilarious!!

  2. Heather Boudreaux September 20, 2016 at 8:09 am #

    Haha. We live in Kingwood and I honestly thought you were talking about us! I can relate to nearly everyone of these. Sharing with my friends!

  3. Kayla September 29, 2016 at 9:18 pm #

    We live in the Nashville suburbs and this is spot-on. But seriously, what is the deal with CFA/ The one by us is always packed. You would think they were giving away money.

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