Why I’m THANKFUL for Infertilty

Infertility is ROUGH, people.  This is not a post to make light of it, believe. you. me.  No way.  No how.  I stand with you as one who has suffered greatly in the midst of YEARS of infertility.  And for those of you currently on this god-awful road, please read this letter that I wrote just to YOU…straight from my heart {and all the others who have been there} to yours.  I promise, you WILL get through this.  One way or another.  I also cringe a little while writing this, hoping to not hurt anyone’s heart who has ever read my ‘How I Became a Mother’ story.  Because I know I don’t officially count as “infertile” anymore after becoming pregnant out of nowhere when doctors said I would most likely never conceive.

But the truth is, I sometimes feel as if I lie in some weird “middle.” Not belonging fully in the infertility crowd any longer, but also not completely in the fertile world either.  Silly as it sounds, it’s how I feel.  A little bit of an outsider looking in on both sides.  But no matter WHERE I fit, I know one thing FOR SURE…I count all those years on the side of infertility as a complete and total blessing in disguise because they taught me some really important things…

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1.  MY CHILDREN ARE GIFTS.

Plain and simple.  Gifts.  Having children is not a “given.”  Infertility has taught me to remember this simple, cruel fact.  For years, I longed for babies of my own.  I prayed for them.  I hoped for them.  I dreamed of having them.  Thinking back to those days helps me to remember that my children are gifts and to never take them for granted {especially on those days of complete toddler chaos when I daydream that someone will come babysit my children for a week while I check myself into an insane asylum to gain some sense of sanity back! Ha!}.

2.  PEOPLE ARE HURTING.

Pain is all around us.  You don’t always know it’s there.  But sometimes if you have a heart for a specific issue, you’ll recognize it instantly when you see it.  Because of my struggle with infertility, I have learned to look for it in others so that I can try my best to give comfort or hope if needed.  I have friends that will even send others who are struggling in the infertility process my way, knowing that I can relate to their pain.  Because really, knowing you’re not alone, sometimes provides the MOST comfort of all.  I truly believe that God allows all things to happen to us for a reason.  And there is a verse in the Bible that talks about using your pain and circumstances to help others. {2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.}  Golden advice, huh?!  People are hurting all around you.  Infertility taught me to be a better pain-seeker in others.

3.  UNANSWERED PRAYERS ARE GOOD.

Throughout my journey of infertility, I can’t tell you the number of times that I prayed that this fertility treatment cycle would be THE ONE….or this adoption placement would be THE ONE.  Little did I know that those unanswered prayers, those closed doors, would lead me straight to what I was meant to have.  I wanted what I wanted NOW.  I didn’t want to wait, but God had better plans. Not that those degenerating embryos or failed adoption placements weren’t perfect babies straight from above, but that the babies that God meant for my life would come in His timing.  It’s all part of a perfect plan.  I can’t imagine life any other way.  Thank GOODNESS for unanswered prayers!

4.  TOUGH STUFF INCREASES FAITH.

I had days that I doubted God’s goodness to and for me during my years of infertility.  I knew perfectly well in the back of my mind that He had a plan for me, but I still doubted Him instead of fully trusting like I knew I should.  Ugh.  Why?  If only I could turn back time and take away so much of the stress I was feeling because of my lack of trust!  But you know what?  Going thru infertility helped me to stop this silly doubting cycle and translate it to other areas in my life as well.  Now, I refuse to doubt His plans in the midst of hard stuff.  If you find yourself there currently, learn from me and STOP.  You will get thru this.  Take a deep breath and let the difficult days and painful circumstances of infertility begin to deepen your faith and trust.

5.  WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER.

Going thru infertility and coming out on the other side {with or without a baby} makes you, in some weird way, feel like a superhero after the fact.  As if you can do anything if you can make it thru the journey that is waiting for a baby.  I mean really, bi-weekly trips to an infertility specialist, a bajillion blood draws so much so that your arms resemble road maps.  Multiple bruises from injections sites all over your belly.  The constant emotional roller coaster.  Being the time-keeper and recorder of every. single. detail. when it comes to your body.  And then the toll that failed adoption placements take on your heart and soul.  The waiting.  The longing.  The heartache.  Geez.  But I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.  It has made me into a much stronger person.

…and it will do the same for you.  It’s happening right now.  Choose to see it.  Feel it.  Embrace it.  You can do this.  I promise, sweet girl.  This season in life is meant to teach you.  Learn and grow in the midst of this terrible, terrible pain.  Remember to cry when you need to.  Sob.  Release.  It’s all part of it.  It will be okay and you will make it through.  Tougher than ever.  XOXO

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