Finding Peace In Being “Done”

I cannot have any more children.

Correction :: I will not have any more children.

Physically speaking, I probably could get pregnant again. And maybe, just maybe, I could carry that baby to term. But I’m done.

I knew we were done having children the same day I found out I was pregnant with baby #2. This baby was very loved and very wanted, and my heart knew our family would be complete once he joined us outside the womb. But I wasn’t always so sure.

Once upon a time {not that long ago}, I would’ve loved to have three or four kids calling me “Momma.” I am the oldest of four children and have always loved the dynamic and chaos that followed. My husband wasn’t exactly on board with that idea, but we didn’t even need to have a full discussion on the matter when the time came. I am done.

A lot of people seem to think it’s because we have one boy and one girl – “the perfect family.” While I’m glad we get to experience having a child of each gender and the adventures that come with that, we would’ve been done if we’d had two girls … or two boys. Gender had no influence on our choice to not have any more.

However, there were a few factors that did go into our decision making –  daycare costs, medical expenses, energy {or lack thereof} … but the deciding factor was my body. I’ve come to accept that it just doesn’t handle pregnancy well. Both of my pregnancies ended with severe preeclampsia, premature births, and NICU stays. Last August, my husband was left to act as a single parent to our daughter while I laid in a hospital bed on bedrest. My daughter was left confused by her mommy’s sudden absence. I can’t imagine putting any of us in that same position again.

As much as I love being pregnant {the first two trimesters, anyway}, and as much as I love my babies, I cannot take the risk of a third preeclampsia diagnosis. Or a third round with a baby in the NICU. Or worse.

I honestly feel so lucky to have two healthy, happy babies. So many things could’ve gone differently – I could’ve delivered them earlier than their 32 weeks {baby #1} and 33 weeks {baby #2}. They could’ve had longer NICU stays, lasting health issues… We’re all lucky.

These babies are absolutely, one hundred percent, worth the pain and tears it took to get them here. But I cannot do it again, and I’m okay with that.

Finding Peace In Being "Done" | Houston Moms Blog

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