Considering Baby #2 :: Answering the Hard Questions

We are at the two-year mark, when for many people sleeping has normalized, there is an end in sight to changing diapers, and we are missing newborn snuggles. I call this the baby-itch.

Recently, my wife and I have been discussing the possibilities of baby #2. We never intended to have another one. We were very much a “one and done” couple. But now with friends having babies, pregnancy in the air, and lots of estrogen in our house, we have the itch.

While many people I’ve talked to shared “just knowing” they wanted another child, I tend to make decisions logically and with reason. I make lists. I compare and contrast. But honestly, I just want someone to ask me the hard questions. So I made a list of the hard questions to ask yourself when considering baby #2.

Considering Baby #2 | Houston Moms Blog

Your Lifestyle

  • Do you and your partner like to travel?
  • What would flying with 2+ kids look like?
  • What would your hotel accommodations look like?
  • Could grandparents/nanny/friends come along?
  • Do you like to go out to eat as a family?
  • Can you juggle a booster seat and a car seat?
  • Are you good with movie nights at home for a while?
  • Will you be able to find a babysitter to watch two kids?
  • Are you okay with trading in white linen table clothes for paper place mats and crayons?

Your Relationship

  • What is your relationship with your partner like?
  • When was the last time you guys had a “check-in” to really see how things are?
  • Are you emotionally ready to add another life to your family?
  • Are you physically and psychologically fulfilled in your relationship?
  • What’s your sex life like? How might another child impact this?
  • Should you consider seeing a therapist to talk this all out?

Your Body

  • How is your body going to handle another pregnancy?
  • How old are you?
  • What are the physical challenges you may face this time around?
  • What did pregnancy #1 look like?
  • How might #2 be different?
  • What effects did pregnancy have on your body? How did that make you feel?
  • How may the challenges of parenting another child impact your body?
  • Will you have time to do the things that you enjoy {like working out, yoga, walking, sleeping, etc.}?
  • How will you make time for these things?

Your Mind

  • Do a little personal check-in. How is your mental health these days?
  • Do you need more time for self-care?
  • How did you manage the stress and anxiety of having baby #1?
  • Did you experience post-partum depression?
  • Should you meet with a therapist to talk about the possibilities of baby #2?

Your Family Dynamic

  • What does your parenting look like? Who does what?
  • How might adding another child impact this?
  • Do you have siblings?
  • Does your spouse have siblings?
  • Do you want your child to experience the things you did?

Your Support System

  • Do you have a partner that will help with parenting?
  • Is this person committed to working together to make this work?
  • Do you have family that live nearby?
  • Will they step up and help out? Or will you develop a network of friends?
  • Might you seek out professional resources like a nanny?

Your Fertility

  • Will you be able to have baby #2 the “conventional way”?
  • Did you need reproductive assistance the first time around?
  • Might you need assistance with fertility for baby #2?
  • How much will these processes cost?
  • Will your insurance help cover any of the expenses?

Your Financials

  • Do you have the economic means to support another child?
  • Are you financially stable enough to add a baby to your family?
  • Will you consider childcare?
  • How much does daycare for two children cost?
  • Will you and/or your spouse work after baby #2 arrives?
  • Do you have substantial debt?
  • Are you able to make your mortgage/car payments?
  • Do you need to start budgeting and saving now?
  • Can you make it work?

Your Careers

  • What do you do for work?
  • What are your professional aspirations?
  • What is your employer’s position on work and family?
  • What is the corporate culture like?
  • What do colleagues with children do?
  • Do you want to build your career and your profession, or do you want to take a hiatus and focus on being a mom?
  • How might another baby impact these decisions?

No matter what your answers are to all of the questions above, here is my advice to you… Do what’s best for you and your family. Dig down deep. Only you know what that is.

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One Response to Considering Baby #2 :: Answering the Hard Questions

  1. Avatar
    Meg January 22, 2016 at 10:11 am #

    Thank you for this! We are pondering this exact thing, and having only recently moved from Austin, the “support system” section is a doozy…

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