Dear Fall … You’re a Jerk.

Dearest Fall,

Can we talk for a minute? It’s pretty serious, so you might want to sit down. You see… Everybody has been talking about you lately.  And not in the excited and upbeat way that we usually do.  In fact, it’s been the exact opposite. So for your own good, we think you should know what everyone is saying about you.  Yes, some of it may come across a bit harsh, but it’s just that we were REALLY looking forward to your arrival this month.  We’ve had “September 22nd – The Official Start to Fall” on our calendars since the temps started creeping up back in March.  But now that the day has finally come, we are totally and utterly disappointment.

Dear Houston Fall ... You're a Jerk.

Seriously, the heat index was 108 yesterday.  ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT DEGREES!  Fall, our beloved, glorious, highly anticipated friend…  Where the heck are you???  Because we are not happy right now, ya big jerk.  And here are just a few reasons why…

  • The neighborhood pools have been closed for weeks, yet we can’t tolerate being outside for more than 15 minutes at a time without submerging ourselves in water.
  • And when we do muster up the energy to play outside at the park, our kids can’t go down the slide without getting third degree burns.
  • We desperately want to wear those leggings, knee boots, and cute scarves we snagged from the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale.  You know the ones currently collecting dust in the back of our closets?  Yeah, those.
  • Because let’s get real, we are OVER shaving our legs.  Has anyone else’s razor budget totally been pushed to the limit this year?  Because ours has.
  • We are TIRED of sweating through our clothes by 8:30am.
  • We also shouldn’t have to wash our hair all. the. time. due to the profuse amount of sweating that occurs on a daily basis. {Basically, we are ready to only require two showers a day instead of the current three.  M,kay?}
  • We want to be able to go to the pumpkin patch, fall festivals, and craft shows without being eaten alive by mosquitoes.
  • And we reaaally need a big, old glass of red wine right about now.  {Okay, so maybe we’re already drinking one.  But it’s awkward to ask our waiter to toss a few ice cubes in our glass of Merlot.  We always get the judgey eyes.}
  • Sitting on the sidelines at fall sports should involve a warm beverage, not tank tops and flip flops.
  • The car thermometer read 98 degrees at 9:30 pm the other day. 98 DEGREES AT 9:30PM, PEOPLE.
  • We want to be able to get into the car without blasting the AC while the kids simultaneously complain about the heat in the background.
  • News Flash :: It’s supposed to be patio weather, but no one wants to sit outside. The wait time at restaurants is longer because EVERYONE wants to sit indoors.
  • Have you tried carving pumpkins when it’s 95 degrees outside? We did. It’s disgusting.
  • The good ole PSL is not as good with ice in it.
  • It’s Football time … and we’d LOVE to grill without having a heat stroke.
  • And bottom line, the heat is making us just downright GROUCHY. {Can you tell?!} Come on, it’s been six months of brutal misery already!

Yes, this is Houston. We know what we signed up for, and we know that it’s always hot here, right? But usually, around this time of year, we can count on you for at least a tiny temperature drop … change in winds … even the slightest hint of a cool breeze. Maybe you are mad because we complained about the “cold” weather last year when it hit 60 degrees. We’re sorry.  We promise not to complain this time around. We miss you, and we are desperately awaiting your arrival…

Sincerely,

The Sweaty, Tired, & Cranky Moms of Houston

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5 Responses to Dear Fall … You’re a Jerk.

  1. Avatar
    Vickie September 23, 2016 at 7:35 pm #

    I LOVED this! And pretty sure you have spies in my brain? All of this is what swirls around my brain all summer long but never gets spoken (written) so well. Mine is just mumbling, grumbling and whining that I hate summer and ready for it be over but I start that about March when I think of it’s coming misery. And there is this woman I know that loves LOVES summer, wants it around all the time, says she is solar powered and likes to sweat! Those kind of people boggle my cool temp loving brain, love her but I think she’s a little crazy. Now I just can’t bring myself to call Autumn a jerk because I love it so but I am quite peeved that it is dragging it’s feet and just keeps letting summer has it’s horrid way. I have my orange clothes ready, my treasured hoodie out and fake leaves on the mantel but for now I remain in hibernation under the God given blessing of air conditioning as you say “desperately awaiting your arrival”!

    • Avatar
      Andrea S September 23, 2016 at 8:04 pm #

      I have no idea what woman you are talking about 🙂 I feel the same way sometimes!! Thanks for reading and commenting, it means a lot!!

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