Miscarriage :: I miss you.

I knew I was pregnant, even though the first few tests were negative.  I joked that I was just waiting for Clearblue to get on the same page as me.  With or without a positive test, I had no doubt that a little life was rapidly growing inside of me.  Sure enough, I got a faint pink line a few days later.  I was over the moon.

Another couple days later, that faint pink line had turned dark, and there was no doubting your presence.  I caught myself mooning over tiny onesies and wondering if you were a boy or a girl.  I couldn’t help but dream about tiny fingers and toes.  Or wonder whether you’d look like me or resemble your daddy.  I was – no, I am – in love with you.

Then, like the blink of an eye, you were gone.  And I was heartbroken.  At one point, I questioned whether it was normal to be so upset over a life I’d never even met.  But a good friend validated my feelings by saying, “Every life is worth celebrating and mourning.”  It couldn’t be more true.

My due date recently came and went.  You should be a couple weeks old now.  The pain is still here but is different now.  In fact, typing this post is the first time I’ve cried in a while.  It seems so impersonal to say that I suffered a miscarriage.  The reality is, I lost a piece of me.  I lost the dreams I had for you and for our family.

I remember reading that you were the size of an apple seed the day that I lost you.  It’s incredible to me that such a tiny human being can have such a huge impact on my life.  Even though I never got to kiss your chubby cheeks or tickle your tummy, you have left an imprint on my heart that will never be erased.

I will always miss you.

Love,

Your Mommy

Pregnancy Loss Remembrance

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, we are dedicated to remembering the little ones who were lost too soon and raising awareness within our community.  Please join us all throughout the day as several local moms bravely open up and share their stories with all of you.  To read more and show your support, please click here.

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2 Responses to Miscarriage :: I miss you.

  1. Avatar
    Callie October 16, 2015 at 11:15 pm #

    My “lost little one” would be 14 this year and the ache is still there. Its so heartbreaking even now. #notalone

  2. Avatar
    Brittney October 18, 2015 at 8:59 pm #

    this is beautiful. well said.

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